Today I tried to write about a friend’s life as an abused spouse. It is difficult to imagine this pretty lady with her bubbly laugh and wry sense of humor being terrified into submission by some hairless ape; but life has no favorites, and we all make mistakes. She would be the first to admit that she had no idea what she was doing when she married a jealous and overbearing man.
I am reminded that first impressions are very subjective. Sometimes we see and hear what we want instead of being aware of realities. We choose to be deceived in some instances. Women are not the sole proprietors of that kind of choice. Men, companies, and even nations allow themselves to be deceived. And inevitably the reasons are too similar to be separated by gender, race, or nationality. Everyone is looking for the storybook white knight on his galloping charger.
Women have a tendency to be submissive to a certain extent from their upbringing and by the role models in their lives. They are willing to give up a certain amount of autonomy in order to “please” someone. As a nation, we have given up some of our common sense in order to “protect” ourselves. Shaking head—rolling eyes….
Christy began with a small adjustment to her life and ended up almost as a prisoner with children to protect. She finally ran—just ran—with little hands in hers and a child in her arms.
Nations can’t run. They have to stand up and change their own realities. And that takes internal fortitude and common sense—from individuals and from the agencies that they represent. This nation has been abused—badly—by those to whom we have looked as responsible partners. But we can’t divorce ourselves totally from the situation because WE are part of the problem. Every choice we have made has been part of the delusion—part of our make believe life.
Christy is a successful person now as wife, mother, grandmother, working woman. She grew up and learned to look at the realities of life. She stopped looking outside of herself and realized that what she needed had to begin from within—she had to have courage. Christy’s story is not a fairy tale. She is still living the life she has chosen. Others—individuals as well as nations—need to make some courageous choices. Being deceived is, at some point, a choice.