Sunday, July 22, 2012

Provocation and Protection




Yesterday I took one of those CHL classes so that it would be legal for me to carry my revolver in my purse or truck whenever I travel here in Texas. I learned a few things about the laws of Texas that I had never known before. And, come to think of it, I learned a few things about the reasons that our country came to respect the rights of its citizens to “bear arms.”

Everyone has heard the arguments about disarmament and keeping guns out of the hands of irresponsible folks. One of the first things our instructor told us about those ideas was to make a comparison of automobiles to guns—they are both tools. We can’t outlaw F150s because so many die in pickup truck accidents, and by the same token, we can’t outlaw guns because there are idiots out there using them against others. Knives, baseball bats, tire irons, or any other handy hammer would be as easily utilized up close and personal. And my guess is that one of those big Humvees would be just as deadly as anyone’s .45 revolver.

When our instructor compared our abilities to protect ourselves against much larger and stronger opponents, it made sense to the women in the room that we would not stand a chance with a baseball bat or pepper spray against a man three times our size and strength. The man could easily take the bat away from us, and the pepper spray might not have any effect unless it actually hit the person in the eyes. Then too, one man who had been an MP said that someone hopped up on certain drugs often would be unaffected by the pain element from pepper spray because of the overriding effects of the drugs.

Two incidents—go ahead and call them tragedies—were discussed yesterday. One part of the discussion covered provocation of violence in regard to the confrontation and death in Florida of a teenager. Everyone has heard about it by now because of the extreme media coverage. Again, the long and short of the situation came down to bad decisions by both parties. But beyond the ‘who did what to whom’ part of the story, too many people see the right to carry a concealed weapon as the culprit or determining factor in the mix. The fact is that if the man carrying the gun had not used it, he would not be around to be standing trial. It brings back the old saw, “Better tried by twelve than carried by six.”

The second situation is the horror of slaughter at a movie theater among innocent people who never had a chance to either defend themselves or–in the case of a three-year-old child—never had the chance to really live. I seriously doubt that anyone in that theater was armed except for the insane man who murdered those people. But, if anyone had been more alert—and had been armed—it is just possible that the number of dead and wounded would have been greatly reduced. In Texas, it is not unreasonable to assume that as many as four out of ten men would be armed in almost any setting—theater, city park, or anywhere that handguns are not prohibited by law. And lately, it is not a stretch of the imagination to think that one of every ten women in Texas is also armed. At least, I know two that will shortly have their guns tucked safely away in a holster in their purses.

One of the reasons that Japan chose not to bring the war in the Pacific to the actual shores of America was the fact that they knew our nation was armed to the teeth. Every farmer, every rancher, and many businessmen were armed with either handguns or sports rifles. And all of them knew how to use them quite effectively. That was true all over this nation at that time. And the ownership of guns has increased in most states since World War II. More folks are members of the NRA now than of AAA.

Recently a treaty or firearm regulation agreement was supposed to have been discussed at the UN, but like so many other ideas, a few folks took off with the idea that our president was trying to totally disarm Americans. The Supreme Court had this to say: District of Columbia v. Heller, 26 June 2008: (T)he enshrinement of constitutional rights necessarily takes certain policy choices off the table. These include the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home.

The treaty that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that the administration seeks is one that has “legally binding standards for the international transfer of conventional weapons." Furthermore, the language of the discussion included this: that a provision in the resolution’s preamble – included at the request of the U.S. – explicitly recognizes the right of nations to regulate gun sales and ownership within their borders, including through their constitutions:
UN General Assembly Resolution A/C.1/64/L.38/Rev.1, Oct. 28: Acknowledging also the right of States to regulate internal transfers of arms and national ownership, including through national constitutional protections on private ownership, exclusively within their territory…

FactCheck.org is one of the best places to dispel rumors and other stupidities that circulate about political or economic absurdities. Americans are pretty easily convinced of conspiracies and other hoaxes, unfortunately. But on the other hand, they are also one of the most stubborn and defensive in the world. Somehow one might have to really stretch the imagination to even think that America would be as easily disarmed as France or England or any of the other European nations were before World War II.
According to an article in Time magazine: “Though it may pale in comparison to America's 88.8 registered weapons per hundred people, the rate of gun ownership in Europe is higher than one might imagine. In Switzerland there are 45.7 guns per hundred people; in Finland, 45.3; France's 31.2 is a little higher than Germany's 30.3. The U.K., which banned most gun ownership after two massacres, has a rate of 6.2 registered guns per 100 people.
And in another publication: Although Norway has far and away the highest firearm ownership per capita in Western Europe, it nevertheless has the lowest murder rate. Other nations with high firearms ownership and comparably low murder rates include Denmark, Greece, Switzerland, Germany and Austria. Holland has a 50 percent higher murder rate despite having the lowest rate of firearm ownership in Europe. And Luxembourg, despite its total handgun ban, has a murder rate that is nine times higher than countries such as Norway and Austria.
According to an article in GOA [Gun Owners of America] of 2008:
Nor does the "more guns means more murder" belief square with our own experience. The earliest American figures, dating from just after World War II, showed both gun ownership and murder rates holding at low levels. Today our murder rates are almost identical, despite six decades of massive gun buying whereby Americans have come to own five times more guns than they did in 1946. The intervening years saw a dramatic increase in murder followed by a dramatic decrease. These trends had no relationship to gun ownership, which steadily rose all the while (especially handgun ownership).

Finally, if common sense makes any difference in life at all, we should all know better than to purposely provoke someone. But we should also be aware that we need to be able to protect ourselves and our families from the insanity that seems to run rampant in today’s society. In a few years I will be too old to handle a gun effectively. At least, I cannot imagine being able to hold a steady aim. By then maybe I will get an old-fashioned scatter gun to keep by the bedside table and a big dog to growl at anyone silly enough to bother me. Until then, I will carry a gun with me for those situations that just may arise, and I will continue to appreciate the men and women who have taken this class in order to protect themselves and others around them.






Wednesday, July 4, 2012

By the Dawn's Early Light

Unlike what we have had today, the bombs are now bursting in air around here. Today only firecrackers were banging and cracking, but tonight the rockets are really glaring on the water of the lake and sizzling through the neighborhood. Because any blade of grass that is still standing is as dry as tinder, it will be a miracle if the houses make it through the night without being burned to ashes! Wichita Falls is under strict water rationing because of this extended drought. The city has even decreased the water pressure to conserve water since our lakes are at less than 50% capacity. And Lake Wichita where our house is located has golden algae so that the fish are dying without the oxygen they need to survive in this heat. But folks can still buy and blow up anything they can light a match to at this point. Yes, it is the Fourth of July, but for the critters and for a few folks like me who don't trust others with dynamite, we look forward to seeing the dawn's early light!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Following Hope

When things are looking mighty bleak or just plain sad, it helps to look ahead or otherwise find new horizons.   A friend of mine is dealing with some rather large changes in her life and one of our children finds himself wanting to look ahead to a less constricted and limited lifestyle. In my way of thinking, a type of hope can be found in travel or in looking for other places to live--whether in imagination or in reality. So, I have invited my  friend to visit Texas and look over some of the scenery. Now I can't give the child a different outlook as easily other than to tell him that the place he is dreaming about DOES exist, even if we don't own a piece of it. We at least know some folks who live there and maybe they will invite him out to visit.

One of the things I have learned about lately is the reason for bus loads of old folks--widows, widowers, and older couples who don't do much driving--to be found on the highways and byways. It is the simple need to get away from the same four walls for a bit for a change of perspective, attitude adjustment, or just plain fun and companionship. We get pretty dadgummed stale sitting here day after day on our tails. If you don't believe me, just ask any activity director in any nursing home or senior retirement center. Folks need a change of pace from time to time. The same can be said of folks who work day after day at any job. Vacations simply are not enough time to really help a working man take a breather--even if he has two weeks and plenty of cash to spend. Old folks don't take vacations. One day is about like another in their lives. Whoopty big doo...Pretty hard to look forward to the weekend when it looks the same as Monday or Wednesday except for lack of mail.

Back when my parents were going through this period of life, they told me about all the farms they "owned" at different places in Texas and about all the chickens and cows that they were raising. I understood that they  were dreaming about being in different circumstances without the work and other hardships that go along with living in the country. Then many days during the hot summer or the coldest frozen winters, Dad would say how happy he was that he did not have to take care of any animals or cut ice on the tanks for them to have water. Reality is not nearly as much fun as our day dreams. But day dreams are an essential part of our lives, in my opinion. The dream of visiting Normandy and Whithorn in Scotland are two of my latest dreams. And then, if it is possible, I want our daughter to get to go with me to see the Louvre in France. Two women turned loose in France to see the sights! We should have a ball!

One of these days the world may fall down and gasp to have peace and prosperity for all its inhabitants. That will probably be the day that Christ Himself will walk this earth again. Until then, we can only follow the hope that we can imagine for ourselves. Anything as big as peace just seems more than unrealistic!

The Day Will Come


The Day Will Come

I knew—I knew the day would come
That you would leave me here alone
I knew—but I didn’t think
About the pain, the deep hurt
I would feel every day
At every turn

You left me with memories—good ones
And I realized at the time we lived
Together we made good loving
Good memories, good for us
Good for the grands
Even good for those who knew us

The waitresses come and hug my neck
The woman at McDs smiles twice—she knows
Even Mother remembers and talks of you
And Dad asks if all the machinery works well
Not that he could fix it—but he asks in your place
For you—he misses you, too

The house is quiet, too quiet—no squeaks
No footsteps down the hall
I only sit in your chair once in a while
But the cat and the dog still need
To be touched, reassured
They still need to be loved—like me

The day will come—I know it
My tears won’t happen as often
Or as unexpectedly—but the memories
I don’t want them to stop—ever
I still love you—always will

Monday, June 18, 2012

"Old-Fashioned" or Just Old?

Blogger has decided to change the way we get into the new posts, and I have a considerable amount of difficulty remembering from one time to the next how to start a new post without the 'old' interface. Eventually I will either have to learn or have to change where I blog. But I am probably the only 'old fart' to have this difficulty. It seems that every person I see of any age is running around with an i-phone or some new technological wonder in his or her hands. My new phone does have a camera, and I can manage to send pictures to the children's phones. That is at least an improvement. The phone has a slide out keyboard, so I can also text. Glory be!

It is almost--almost nearly, that is, funny that the 6 and 8-year-old grands know more about technology than their grandmother. I sent a picture of our parents to my brother the other day where he lives in Arkansas. His older neighbor gets a big kick out of the little gizmos and phones, so he showed Sterling how to get the pictures that I sent. Sterling is a bright guy who is very versatile in just about every area of life, but computers are just not his cup of ---well, not instant coffee, for sure! His grandchildren would be happy to show him how to use his phone--if he could stand having them 'teach' him about the features.

If one of our grandparents or great-grands were to suddenly come to life in this world, not only would the area we live in appear totally different, but the technology would be just as strange as the landscape. Over 50 years ago, this area had some rivers and trees and a few main roads. Now we have roads, fly-over bridges, expressways, and frontage roads that would boggle the mind of our older generation. And then there are the 'planted' trees and shrubs in all the medians. Flowers were a nice touch in some of the yards of the wealthier folks along Silk Stocking Row, but not in the middle of FOUR lanes of traffic! Roads like Southwest Parkway with three separate lanes going each way would be just about scary for the older generation. Of course, when I drive in the DFW area, it scares me today and I am accustomed to the traffic and new roads. So maybe it isn't just the roads that are scary. The speeds alone would make a normal person a bit nervous, but on the highway where folks run 80 and 85, it truly is frightening!

Once upon a time we thought the local K-Mart was a BIG store. Now we have a super Walmart with everything from bird seed to oil changes. One of our grands made the comment that a person could buy anything at Walmart except a real live chicken or a bathtub. Give them time....They already sell live fish. But truly things are changing as quickly as our needs have changed. However, I wonder if we really 'need' all of these things sometimes. Our daughter walked down a sale aisle with me one day and there were some little plastic handled sponges on a rack. We both looked at them and then laughed. The purpose of the little sponge was to remove the lint from the dryer vent screen. How do WE do it? We lick a finger and run it over the lint and ball it up before tossing it. The little plastic sponge was priced at 50 cents. Jenn giggled and said she now knew she was using a 50 cent finger swipe each time she removed lint from the dryer screen. Some technology is just not worth the trouble it would take to use it. And a person does not have to be old to understand that concept.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

New NORMAL?

A friend of mine who has been through some grief and mourning in her life told me that I was on a journey to find my "new normal" right now. But she did not tell me that the pain would stop any time soon or that I would stop bursting out in wild weeping at the drop of a hairbrush. The grief counseling classes I have attended so far have reassured me that I am not totally crazy, but I am still shaking with some kind of fear that I will make the wrong decisions--and I never seem to be sure that I am even making decisions until I have already done something. Now, that may not seem very clear, but let me present an example.

Monday I took our Dickerson grandson to Bowie, TX to meet his mother so that he could begin his music lessons the next morning. Then I returned to Henrietta and visited my parents for about 30 minutes at the nursing home. That was not too difficult. Then I headed on over to our doctor's office to ask him to help me with the muscle spasms and pain that just about makes me miserable right now. Even though I am not sure it is a pulled muscle that seems to be causing the pain from my head down to my hips and slightly below, something has to give! This kind of pain won't quit until it is either deadened with pills or until something makes me go to sleep. So, now I am dependent on something to kill the pain. Is that a decision? Even though I have seen the chiropractor and she told me that my muscles are tied in knots, I somehow feel as if it is my fault--that I am to blame for the pain! Go figure.

And then there is the king-sized problem of buying a new mattress, box spring, and frame. It will be expensive. Even though I have the money, it was never our habit to just go buy something without a thorough consideration and lots of shopping around. So, tomorrow before the youngest son gets here on Saturday, I will do the 'shopping around' part so that will already be done. I can compare prices and find out which stores will deliver and carry off the old mattress--for free or otherwise. When Fang and I bought the one we have now, it was on sale and not very expensive. We should have known better when the delivery guys told us to turn the mattress regularly or it would develop 'valleys' in it. Oh well. Live and learn.

But the question remains in the back of my mind that it might not really be necessary to change out the mattress just because my back is killing me. What if it is "just" stress? A new mattress might help, I suppose, but should I do that just because I am currently hurting so badly? See, decisions--even when prompted by well-meaning children--are not easily made at this point.

If a woman who has been through this process of grief and mourning finds herself crying again after four or five years, how can I expect to go shopping without crying about things after less than a month after Fang's death? So far I have managed to go to Walmart without crying the last few times, but the first time I went alone...well, it is a good thing no one I knew saw me and stopped to chat. I probably would have blubbered all over the person.

Next Thursday would have been our 44th wedding anniversary. I guess the new mattress will just have to be our anniversary gift to me. Now if I can just sleep on it without crying through the mattress protector....




Saturday, June 9, 2012

ALMOST FOUR WEEKS

On the 18th of May (2012) I became a widow to go along with the other titles I have had over this lifetime. This was definitely not one I sought or especially appreciate, but it is so true that it is better to have loved and lost someone as kind as Lewis was, than to never to have known true love. While I attend grief counseling classes and try to spend as much time as possible thinking about positive things and staying busy with the kids or grands, each day brings reminders that he simply is not here in quite the same way. I hear him in my head telling me 'That's the way to do it' or something of that nature. I make my decisions based on how we lived together for all these years. After nearly 44 years, my mind is part and parcel with the way he thought and did things. I don't regret that in the least.


In 2010 I wrote a book called Destinations and had it published at SlightlyCreaky.com, and now it is an e-book on Amazon available as a Kindle book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0089E41MW  I know Fang would have wondered why I waited this long, but I had to re-read and edit it before I was satisfied. Also, my brother finally was here and read the manuscript and thought it was as good as any he had read. SO, I finally sent it in. One of these days soon I will see about getting it published in print. I personally prefer a printed book, but I am learning to enjoy the Kindle our daughter and her family gave me for either Mother's Day or my birthday. That entire month is a bit of a blur. We have several May birthdays. Jennifer had her birthday on the 17th of May and her daddy managed to wait until 12:30 to actually die on that night so it was May 18. He probably planned it that way, knowing him. He had us give ourselves a birthday party while he was still able to watch us and celebrate with us. Then, after Jennifer had gone home and was still feeling terribly weepy after his death, he came to her bedside in a dream and talked to her. She knew after that 'dream' that everything was going to be ok.





I suspect that my next book may be about grief--not mine, necessarily, but the mechanism and how grief and mourning are so very different. I had never in my entire life realized how totally draining grief could be--even before someone actually dies. When my brother and I had to put our parents in a care facility (read nursing home), we both were grieving the loss of our parents as we had known them. It has been nearly two years now, and we still MISS our parents even though they are still alive and in the same place as they were when we left them there. Parts of our life are just supposed to always be there for us--whether or not the people in it live in memory or in fact. Some of us who are older look back--not with longing for those days when we were young enough to jump fences, but for the attitudes that allowed us to easily love the times and the people we knew then. Oh, it would be wonderful if I still had the toned muscles and the bravado to take a horse over a fence, but now I would just love to have the courage to be able to face each day that comes my way without feeling as if I am all alone. Oh, others are here and around. But the love of my life no longer tells me how much I mean to him each morning and every night. Maybe in another four weeks, or four months, or four years...No, I will always miss him. Time is not going to change that. And maybe that is a good thing. Imagine how much God must love us to allow us to learn how to enjoy life with another person so closely that the person's absence makes life feel incomplete! After all, we are incomplete without God's love!